Encouragement Archives - Motivated Mom

Woman to Woman

A few days ago, I shared a Facebook post. “When you admire something about another woman, tell her. Get into the habit of lifting each other up.” – unknown. I shared this woman to woman. Mom to Mom. We all need this, don’t we?

Yes!!!!

Posted by Motivated Mom on Monday, July 9, 2018

We must, because at my count, the original Facebook post was shared 340,243 times. (I was one of the people who shared it!) What does this tell me? As women, we are hungry for approval from our fellow woman. (Being a Mom is hard enough, without adding the judgements from our fellow Moms!)

Woman to Woman: Why can’t we get along?

There are several reasons why we, as women, can’t get along.

We’re conditioned to be mean. The fashion, magazine, and television industries (and pretty much everywhere on social media) encourage us to be catty about how another woman looks by critiquing her outfit and hairstyle,her political beliefs, and pretty much all her life choices.
We’re jealous. Plain and simple, right? Sometimes we bring down another woman, because we want what she’s got. It makes us feel less than, so we even the playing field by pulling them down a notch or two.
We see our selves in them. Ouch. This one hurts. That annoying quality we can’t stand in another woman? Sometimes it’s because we have a similar quality- whether we realize it or not.

Woman to Woman: How can we support each other?

Be nice on social media. It’s so easy to be a keyboard warrior, isn’t it? Let out your frustrations in life by pounding away on a keyboard- finally being heard for once. It’s not really hurting anyone, or is it? Every photo meme out there is a REAL person. Tearing down someone online is hurtful. The world has enough trolls. Be friendly online. And if you can’t, well, just take that advice that your Mom probably told you. “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Offer to help. When is the last time that you reached out to another Mom? I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t even recall the last time I offered another Mom a helping hand. One way women can lift each other up is just by reaching out.
Sprinkle Love. Become a compliment fairy! Tell your neighbor she’s a good Mom! Tell the woman who is ringing up your groceries that she’s doing a good job. Tell the lady in the parking lot that you love her purse. Tell your co-worker that she did a great job on that last project. Seek out women, and shine your light on them. You never know how your compliment can change someone’s day for the better!

The Bottom Line

Here’s the bottom line, Ladies. Society is going to keep pushing it’s warped ideas on us- telling us that we’re not good enough. (So that we’ll buy their products and services thinking that that will make us better!) Only women to woman can we change how to treat one another. It starts with you. Be the good.

(Paraphrasing a quote here…someone smarter than me said it, but I can’t tell you who!) People may not remember what you say, but they will remember how you made them feel. Let’s lift each other up!

Life Lessons & Play-Doh

I was talking with a friend. Okay, griping really that my husband is the “fun” parent. He’s gone most days and evenings too (Workin’ hard for the money!). Although I work outside the home too, many of the child rearing duties are left up to me to handle alone.

You see, like most Moms, I am struggling to find the balance between care giver, home maker, income earner…not to mention taking care of my basic self-maintenance and self-care. No wonder I feel like I’m failing. I’m trying to be about 18 people at once!

Anyway, I digress. The conversation I was having with my friend was that I am the primary disciplinarian in our home and my husband is the fun one. She gave me no sympathy at all *only later did I realize that that’s exactly what I was seeking out of the conversation* and said, “I’m the disciplinarian and I’m the fun one. Why can’t you be both?”

I was instantly ticked off. I mean, geeze Sister, can’t you give another mom a little sympathy?! It really rubbed me the wrong way. But as most things that irk us, it was irritating me because it was hitting a little too close to home. It’s true. You can be both. You don’t have to be stuck in one role.

I was in a rut. Instead of taking a little extra time to play with my kids, I’m sitting at the table only half listening to their chatter as I write an impossibly long to-do list that I “expect” to get done in one night when in reality it will probably take me the entire weekend to accomplish all 15 items.

Where did the fun Mom go? Was I ever fun? It’s been so long I can’t even remember.

So tonight, I played. We ate supper. Then we made chocolate chip cookies. We played with Play-doh. I got plastic forks and knives out so they could stab and cut. I even got out the cookie cutters and we made star and pumpkin shapes out of our Play-doh. My 3 and 4-year-old learned how to make “Play-doh spaghetti” and even got out the “grown-up” plates to showcase our masterpieces.

Then my children and I sat on the kitchen floor and ate the warm from the oven chocolate chip cookies. My son spontaneously decided he needed to give me a hug. Not to be out done, my daughter gave me Eskimo kisses, and then the baby smothered me with a full WWE style body slam (aka a toddler hug).

There was a moment to cherish. Happy kids sharing hugs and warm chocolate chip cookies with their mom. Sweet memories are made in moments like this one.

Dishes are still in the sink. Chores were left undone, but the trade off was worth it. I got to have fun with my kids.

It’s easy to get stuck in your role. Take some time to play. Don’t forget, Mom, you can be the fun one too!

Dear Mom, Be the REAL You!

Dear Mom,

There is only one you. Whether you realize it or not, you are special. Somebody thinks you’re a rock star. (Probably a whole bunch of people!) Stop hiding behind what you think you should be and just be the real, authentic you. You will be happier and that will make those around you happier too.

Everyone has ideas about what a Mom should be. They come from expectations put on us by our society, our communities, and our families. Moms need to adjust their thinking so that they can take some pressure off! Once we let go of who we THINK we should be, we can relax and just be ourselves. A happier, less stressed version of ourselves. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

I have this picture of what a “good mom” should be. You know who she is? This is so ridiculous, but I’m going to tell you anyway.

– She’s a woman that loves her family. (check)

– She’s that 1950’s woman who kept a clean home. (fail)

– She serves her family fancy dinners. (total fail)

– She grows her own vegetables in the garden. (I have a weed garden!)

– She has nice hair (me: ponytail) and adorable outfits. (me: jeans and tees)

Oh, oh. Let’s add a little modern day “good mom” to my description…

She’s also Pinterest perfect.

– Yep, she does ALL the crafts. (It’s all I can do to keep my little one from eating the crayons.)

– She makes the adorable, homemade outfits. (I sewed a curtain once.)

– She makes pancakes in the shape of Mickey Mouse for her children and other equally fabulous treats and meals. (Hot dogs and fruit snacks, anyone?!)

She is SUCH a good mom.

I wish I was that Mom. The real, authentic me hates to cook. I hate gardening. What do I like? I like wearing my hair in a ponytail. I like listening to personal development podcasts, reading, traveling, and taking my kids on adventures.

I am going to give myself permission to throw away that “good mom” idea in my head and realize that being a good mom means being a happy mom and being a happy mom means doing the things I really like and not doing the things I don’t like. Sorry kiddos, you will never get a gourmet lunch box meal from me. It’s not my style.

So please, fellow Mom, shake off that person you “should” be and just be you. Everyone was born with a very unique set of gifts and talents. Let’s accept the fact that not all of us are Martha Stewart.

Tap into those gifts you were given and share them with those around you. Be the real, authentic you.

PS Do NOT let another mom tell you that you’re a bad mom because you don’t do it their way! There’s more than one way to pack a lunch! 😉

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A plant tried to wreck my day

A plant tried to wreck my day.

It failed. Let me explain…

It’s been a shitty day. I’m not trying to swear on this blog, but some words are not as descriptive as swear words… so it was shitty.

It started out with my cranky three-year-old screaming, “Don’t look at me!” while I was trying to get him ready for daycare. This was emphasized with a hand in my face and a dirty look. We managed to get past that and finally got ready for the day.

Except we couldn’t leave, because I couldn’t find my car keys! After some frantic searching, I gave up and had to grab the spare set. I was driving and looked down at my hand. Under my fingernail was some unidentifiable crud. My deep thought was…I sure hope that’s dirt and not poop. (I live with two toddlers and a baby- poop happens.)

I was low on gas, so I stopped at the gas station and got everything set up to fuel my vehicle. I started cleaning out my (super sylin’) minivan where consequently, I ended up finding the original set of missing keys…only to realize several wasted minutes later that I was not actually pumping any gas. *sigh* So I let out a few expletives under my breath and got the pump humming. When I was hurriedly finishing up, I dropped the nozzle straight to the ground. Thunk. Swear. I’ve only been awake for two hours and all I want to do is crawl back into bed!

Karma, you’re not on my side today. I’m not going to let it get me down, though, I will stay positive! I actually said out loud, “Reset! Reset!” I read that in a self-help book that you can reprogram your mind to reset. Did it work? Hmmm…not sure it reset my day, but it reminded me to keep my chin up.

When I got to work, things were MEH. As the day wore on, I had to open the same computer program three times, the email attachment wouldn’t work, and I missed a deadline. These are all every day, minor annoyances that were magnified because of all the other cruddy things that had happened so far in the day.

Here’s what you’ve been waiting for. The plant that tried to ruin my day. There is a plant called mother- in-law’s tongue on my window sill at work. *Mother-in-law’s tongue…that’s the actual name of the plant. I swear, that is a real thing. I didn’t make it up.

This is Mother-in-Law’s Tongue. Please note: This is not the offending plant. This plant is innocent.

It was a beautiful summer day today. I opened the window. Below the window, my lunch sack, my purse (open) and another bag with my laptop, planner, and notes in it (also open). You see where this is going, right? A gust of wind came in through the window and blew that *Mother down. Dirt in my purse, bag, and all over the floor. Let me tell you, that plant retained water. So I wasn’t just cleaning up dirt, I was cleaning up a muddy, dirty mess.

At least it wasn’t poop, right?

I just shook my head and said out loud, “I’m not going to let this ruin my day!”

At this point, I wish I could tell you that my day turned around, and everything was hunky-dory. Unfortunately, that was not the case. The rest of the day continued to be MEH. I stayed positive, but I was also positively exhausted. In the poker game of life, my hand today was a bust.

I am writing this at 10:10 pm. It feels like 3 am. I am exhausted, but I wanted to write how I was feeling at this exact moment. Tomorrow is another day, but I wanted to capture THIS day. Someone out there is feeling this “I need toothpicks to hold my eyes open” exhaustion. Somebody else had a shitty day. I’m with ya, Sister. Right here with ya. Shitty days are going to happen. We can let them defeat us, or we can dig in, clean up the mess, and carry on. Tomorrow is another day.

Stay positive, Friend!

What do you tell yourself to stay positive on bad days? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below!

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Living the Dream

The other night, my husband asked me how I was. Wasn’t that a thoughtful question? Unfortunately, I was in the middle of changing a nasty blowout of a diaper. I replied (with sarcasm, of course), “Living the dream!”

Tonight as I was changing an even nastier diaper (yuuuuccckkk!), I had a flashback to that conversation. With no one but a squirmy baby to talk to, I said to myself, “Living the dream!” (Sarcastically, of course.) Then I stopped- not changing the diaper, I had to keep plowing through that mess- but with my thinking. I thought to myself, you really are living the dream. You’re living someone’s dream of having a baby. You see, I know more than one person who has wanted kids but can’t physically have children. I’m over here popping babies out like a champion. I’m living the dream.

Then I started thinking about my home. My old farm house has uneven, annoyingly squeaky wood floors in the dining room and carpet in the bathroom. Yes, you read that correctly. I have carpet in my bathroom. Whomever thought this was a brilliant idea MUST have been past the potty training stage. I’ve been having a little green monster of envy lately wishing that I had a nicer, newer house. Those people look like they’re living the dream with the brand new homes and perfectly manicured lawns. Not us, we have a mole. A giant rodent is currently tearing up my yard. Then I have to stop and think of what I do have in my life. I have a beautiful, old home with lots of space for the children to run (and destroy) without worry. I can say that this is good. This is great. I’m living someone’s dream. Because somewhere out there, there is a Mom with her family living in the city in a tiny, cramped apartment with no space or home of their own. I’m living the dream.

I think of our country- the great U.S.A. and I could say with much sarcasm and even disdain (given the current state of our politics), aren’t we here “Living the dream?!” But guess what? We sure the heck are! Some countries out there are so poor that they don’t have the basic necessities that we take for granted (like indoor bathrooms with carpet). Not to mention the freedom to live the way we choose and believe what we want to believe! We’ve got it all in America (except free health care, but that’s a whole other blog post, isn’t it?!) We are living the dream.

So I guess my point of all this is….drum roll please…even though your situation may not be ideal, you’re living the dream! If you can’t see what you have, just ask someone less fortunate than yourself. You have SO many blessings, Friend. Don’t forget to count them.

Ways to Count Your Blessings:

Give stuff away. We have enough (clothes, food, toys, etc), why not give some away to make another family’s life easier?
Share. Share a joke. Share a cup of coffee. Share a smile.
Pause. Say “Thank You.” Whisper it to the universe, say it to your spouse or children. Appreciate those around you.
Give Time. Help a neighbor. Help a friend. Help a church or non-profit organization.
Write an unexpected Thank You note!
Donate money. (Don’t have enough to donate? Read This.)
Keep a Gratitude Journal.

Until next time, keep living the dream!